When Should I Change Counselors?

Do you feel like you haven’t been getting better in therapy? Have you been seeing your counselor for years and you’re still working on the same issues? Do you feel like your therapist always puts all the work of therapy on you? So how do you know when it is time to switch counselors? Here are some things to consider.

 

You don’t see progress. Therapy does take time to work, but most research finds that some improvements in mental health come in the first four sessions. Sometimes it takes longer for things to get better but if you’ve met with your counselor 5 to 10 times and you don’t feel any better, you should ask why. It can take time to foster a relationship with a counselor and figure out how to work together, but don’t settle for status quo. Ask your therapist for more help, communicate your lack of progress, and think about what else you need to do yourself. If you are still stuck, find someone else.

 

You’re doing all the talking. It’s good feels to be listened to. The problem is when that is all you’re getting of therapy. If you’re doing 90% of the talking, then you’re probably not getting the guidance you need. Your therapist shouldn’t start every conversation with “Well, what do you want to talk about?” He or she should have some ideas and some directions for therapy. You should get feedback, education, encouragement, and challenge from your therapist. If you feel like you’re doing all the work in therapy, you probably are. It’s time to find someone who will be more than a sympathetic ear for you.

 

You’re not learning any skills. If you’re not learning new approaches to your problems then you might be missing out on therapy. The goal of therapy is to learn new skills and approaches to your problems. New skills don’t have to be a technique per se, like meditation or guided imagery; it could be a new perspective and new ways of thinking about yourself. Whatever it is, it should be clear that you are learning something. If you think back over 3 years of therapy and you can’t explain what you learned then it might be time to search for a new counselor.

 

Therapy just feels like a chore. Therapy is hard work followed by rewarding moments. When sessions feel like an obligation, you feel disappointed in your discussions, or you find excuses to cancel appointments, consider finding a new counselor.

 

Unhealthy boundaries. If you feel that an interpersonal boundary has been breached, remove yourself from the partnership. Only you can make that assessment for yourself, and you need to fully trust your own perception.

 

Stagnant. The course of your therapy should consistently lead you into challenging territory with yourself. Big progress comes from big work. If you’re only talking about what you did over the last week, but nothing significant, this is a problem. Your counselor should facilitate demanding conversations that foster meaningful growth.

 

Dependent. Therapy should help you become a more confident decision-maker. If you feel like you absolutely need your counselor to validate your decisions, it may not be a healthy partnership. This may not be the fault of your counselor; however, your counselor should encourage you to make decisions yourself and not always tell you what to do.

 

Unresponsive to exploration. Therapy can take many forms and you should feel free to explore alternate methods to the ones you are presently using. A good counselor will show openness to your inclinations of how to proceed with your introspection. If your counselor repeatedly doesn’t help you further your progress and offers you new suggestions, it may be time to find someone else.

 

Flaking out. Does your counselor often show up late and/or cancel sessions at the last minute? Dependability and consistency are necessary for therapy. Build a relationship with a person you can count on.

 

Your needs change. Your current counselor might have been the perfect fit for a particular issue or a specific chapter in your life. But times, people, and needs change. If you think another specialist might be a better fit for where you are today, embrace a new therapist. It’s actually good to work with a new therapist if you’ve seen the same person for several years. After several years with the same person, you’ll probably hit the ceiling with what you can learn. That may not be your therapist’s fault; there’s only so much you can learn from one person.

 

You feel ashamed to tell the truth. Neutrality is critical in therapy to ensure you are making the best decisions for yourself. If you feel judged by your counselor, it can be difficult to disclose your most vulnerable thoughts, which are the most important ones to say out loud. If you can’t speak freely or feel

ashamed to speak your truth, the process won’t work.

 

Distracted. Undivided attention is needed for therapy to work. If your counselor cannot provide that, find someone who can.

 

The focus is on the therapist. The conversations should center on you and your concerns, not the therapist. If your therapist is constantly referring back to his or her personal life this can be an issue. Using personal examples fine from time to time in session is fine, but if the therapist is bringing up his or her personal concerns or divorce or conflict with his mother-in-law, you should seek support elsewhere.

 

Communication or connection issues. Sometimes kind, intelligent, well-intended people just can’t get on the same page. In social settings, people benefit from giving grace to one another. If communication is challenging in therapy, or a deep enough connection can’t be made, that is a red flag.

 

Just a complaining session. Venting your emotions is important, but a quality counselor can help you do more than that. If your sessions are just a time to express frustration without actual feedback, you’re missing out. If your conversations are not developing past complaining, find a better therapist.

 

Not qualified or a specialist. Just because a mental health professional has the legal qualifications to work with you, doesn’t mean they are the right fit for what you need. Keep looking until you find a compatible provider, one who can guide you and provide the right mix of support, challenging, and advice.

 

Looking for a Therapist in Coralville, North Liberty, or Iowa City? We’re Here for You. Reach Out.

We can offer you a safe relationship for building trust and a sense of security. Let’s work together to reestablish meaning, hope, and purpose so that you can begin reestablishing relationships with others and with yourself and engage more fully with life.